We learn from our experiences.
Or we don’t.
But when we do?
Is when we discover the “empowering solutions” – those things we can do for ourselves, by ourselves to be ok when things around us are not.
Relationships are messy
Over the years, like many from backgrounds filled with drama, trauma and dysfunctions – relationships of all kinds have caused me much pain.
It was only in learning what “I” could do differently that I started getting different results by realizing that when it’s not working that it’s not always going to work out.
Things happen. Relationships are messy. There is no way around that.
Part of the problem though?
Is when we, in our own patterns of dysfunction, keep trying to figure out what we did to “make them do” what they did or didn’t do, how we can change who we are and what we do or don’t do to make them love, accept or understand us…
So what do we do when we’ve tried and still not getting healthy* engagement?
Leaving the door open for connection does not mean those invited will choose to connect.
Letting go can be difficult.
The only option when others refuse to engage is to grieve the loss of relationship and then decide what your boundaries are for the future. Will you let this person back in? Have they changed the way they deal with their issues? Are you willing to be hurt again? Will things be the same? Different? Or are you done and choosing to love them from a distance?
The thing is – it’s not our fault how others handle their issues although it is our responsibility how we handle ours.
Both growth and relationships can be painful. Together it can be excruciating. Wanting to lash out at those who have hurt us is normal although not necessary. This is being the change we want to see in the world.
Being able to be hurt without having to hurt back.