Boundaries: Not What We “Allow” Others To Do

When I learned this about “boundaries” is when things got really good for me and my relationships became so much less painful.

Living Life as a Chameleon; Enmeshment, Enabling and Empowerment (Poor Boundaries)

Compartmentalizing my life was something I was totally unfamiliar with. Coming from dysfunction I learned that I had not developed healthy sense of self because my initial instinct to protect myself from hurtful experiences was punished, guilted and shamed. I had developed no clear lines, or boundaries, that defined and…

How Do I Help Those I See Struggling?

I often get messages from readers who have questions. Sometimes it’s from someone struggling with a specific issue, other times it’s more general. Over the past months I’ve had a conversation with a reader who articulated so well the struggles we all face when it comes to wanting others to…

How is Helping Harmful? (Healing Relationships)

Thought for today….. Relationships are often difficult for us survivors of bad things. Something I’ve picked up along the way? Is accepting others where they are, as they are  VS where we think they should be…. Goes a long way to making relationships work better. When we decide what others need to…

Relationships Are Messy

We learn from our experiences. Or we don’t. But when we do? Is when we discover the “empowering solutions” – those things we can do for ourselves, by ourselves to be ok when things around us are not. Relationships are messy Over the years, like many from backgrounds filled with…

Diagnosis or Dynamics? Does It Really Have to be “For Life”?

Diagnosis or Dynamics? There is a meme going around that says “Before diagnosing yourself as depressed make sure you’re not simply surrounded by assholes”. And while I don’t agree with calling people names or abusing those who abused us – this meme sort of says a lot about what we…

Being Helpful or Butting In; How to Tell the Difference

As one from a background filled with drama, trauma and dysfunction it was challenging to learn how to start stopping the behaviors that perpetuated the patterns of my past. I came up with this to guide me: talking about what I think, feel, do, don’t do, did or want to…

One Witness

The truth is that most of us have limited supporters. The key, I’ve found, was to find ONE witness who knew how to validate and support my healing journey without “fixing” or enabling my dependence and helplessness. Someone willing to hear me when things felt overwhelming but who could let…

When We are Feeling Judged (Social Media)

Here’s the thing about posting personal thoughts or feelings on social media; as in a dysfunctional family it acts like an open door to those with poor boundaries and a lack of emotional maturity (empathy) to use this as an opportunity to critique your thoughts/feelings as “right” or “wrong” in…

An Empowering Solution: 3 Steps to Sanity

A large part of the challenge for many who have experienced life and relationships that were either over controlling/abusive and/or over permissive/lacking parental direction is that we are left feeling powerless – yet often told to own up and take responsibility for our lives without having had the life experience…

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