Dys-function (Recognizing Learned Helplessness)

The thing I realized is not that my past was the problem but that in my past I never learned how to use life problems to grow from and become stronger. In dys-function (abuse/neglect) my life did not work; I was left unprepared and unable to function in this world…

Self Sabotage: Can We Really Change This?

What is called “learned helplessness” in psychology is really a collection of patterns of behaviors that prevents us from reaching our potential. Very often the problem with this concept is that those who can recognize the patterns often are the same ones who have an expectation that we should be…

Empowering Solutions

EMPOWERING SOLUTIONS: The Missing Link Making the shift from “I can’t” to “I can and I did” I started the Empowering Solutions page/project because I’d sought “help” for decades and still struggled with knowing who I was and what I was capable of. I’ve overcome what I was told could not…

Never Good Enough

Learned helplessness is a normal outcome for those who come from backgrounds of oppression and abuse and often prevents us from being able to move our lives forward; we feel stuck and inadequate. We often feel as though we can never do anything “right enough”, are not “good enough”; we…

Just Stop

Learning to overcome self sabotage – those feelings of hopelessness, helplessness and powerlessness – is truly the first step in learning to create the life we want and move past simply tolerating the life we think we’re stuck with .

How is Helping Harmful? (Healing Relationships)

Thought for today….. Relationships are often difficult for us survivors of bad things. Something I’ve picked up along the way? Is accepting others where they are, as they are  VS where we think they should be…. Goes a long way to making relationships work better. When we decide what others need to…

Bitch and Moan (Complaining as a tool)

Complaining was a way of life for me – until I was able to use it as a tool to change my life.

There Was A Reason

Too often those who seek help for emotional or behavioral issues end up being told something is wrong with them instead of being told what happened to them was wrong. We struggle with feelings of hopelessness, helplessness and powerless for anything better. We often “act out” in ways that hurt…

Diagnosis or Dynamics? Does It Really Have to be “For Life”?

Diagnosis or Dynamics? There is a meme going around that says “Before diagnosing yourself as depressed make sure you’re not simply surrounded by assholes”. And while I don’t agree with calling people names or abusing those who abused us – this meme sort of says a lot about what we…

One Witness

The truth is that most of us have limited supporters. The key, I’ve found, was to find ONE witness who knew how to validate and support my healing journey without “fixing” or enabling my dependence and helplessness. Someone willing to hear me when things felt overwhelming but who could let…

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