It’s important that we are able to tell our stories, to be heard and have our pain, frustrations and justified anger at the losses we experienced at the hand of those who have hurt and harmed us – recognized and honored.
Regardless of the source of the abuse or trauma – its important to have our experiences heard and validated; to learn how to engage in the trauma recovery process.
Yet, to have our pain “witnessed” by one other is different from chronically spilling our pain for the whole world – expecting to be validated at each turn.
It is important that we learn how to get past the re-telling and re-living of the story and find healing that we can use our stories to influence, change and impact our own life. And, in the process, we may find that our story can impact the lives of others if we decide to use our experiences as part of our life purpose.
The other side is that if we don’t learn how to do this – our past will become our today and prevent us from having the tomorrow we deserve.
Being stuck in that place of telling and retelling without any forward movement is often viewed as “complaining” by those who don’t understand that in telling the story we find healing.
It is important to find our “one witness” who can sit with our pain as we experience it in the healing process vs expecting family, friends and even strangers to empathize with our pain. (And please know that this “one witness” may and likely will change as you progress through the telling of your story)
When we get stuck in “rumination” vs “revitalization” that comes from healing our wounds, we often can find ourselves either avoiding anything that might “trigger” the memories or chronically talking about it and reliving it in our todays – even though it may become an unconscious influence after this replays and repeats over the years.
We can ultimately feel hopeless, depressed, full of anxiety and anger when we have not resolved our past experiences and their impact on us today.
The trick, if there was one, is to not seek validation from those who can’t validate what we suffered and survived and – to get to a place where we can validate ourselves when we recognize we have returned to rumination with no healing results.
I’m not talking about “getting over it” but rather about learning how to get past it by choosing to shift from telling the story about what happened and who did what and what a jerk they are to telling the story about how what happened affected us, what we lost, what we will never have, what was taken from us in the abuse, trauma, drama and dysfunction.
The going through to get out of…emotional healing
This is the “process” we hear about that we are supposed to trust – but are never really told about.
This is that place where we allow the feelings to come to us.
This is the place where first we might fight these feelings of anger and rage because we are so terrified of it spilling over into the rest of our lives.
This is the place where we try not to cry – because we feel as though we might die. That it will never stop.
But it will.
And this won’t all happen in one, a week or month.
This is the “process”.
The process of healing our emotional wounds.
This is where our past trauma’s become a part of our memories – instead of our daily nightmare.
This is where we will start to notice that we are no longer “triggered” by the things that might have “pushed our buttons” before.
This is both #ThePractice and the work.
This is the “going through” that we “get out of” the reliving and retelling to finally shift from living a life we hate to creating the life we love.
Then the final task is to recognize that we don’t have to “stay there”.
Will it come up again?
Until we have healed it.
The gift of this skill?
Is know that we don’t have to keep revisiting the pain over and over but rather to learn to accept the past as the past and learn to live in today – today.
You might also like: