This – chronic chaos – may be that place where “nothing ever seems to go right” or “why does life have to be so hard?”.
It’s a place where we may be feeling angry and irritable – even though there is nothing specific that is happening to cause us to feel angry and irate.
We just do.
It’s a place where we can feel sad – and not really know why we are feeling sad.
We just are.
It’s a place where being calm and comfortable – feels very uncomfortable.
It’s a place where we can find ourselves feeling bored, unsettled and anxious not because there is anything to feel anxious or fearful about but because we are anticipating something “going wrong”.
It’s a place where we can find ourselves getting caught up in others drama, trauma and dysfunction as a distraction because we don’t know how to feel ok with not doing that dance – yet.
It’s a place where we can find ourselves resorting to seeking out others and situations that will help us perpetuate distraction in this dance as we return to our given “role” in the dance we learned as children in our original drama, trauma and dysfunction.
In this place we may feel as though we “need” this person and without them we don’t feel “whole” – we feel as though a part of us is missing; we may feel “incomplete”.
We may feel empty without having someone else to focus on, to fight with and to take care of.
We may feel shame for not being “enough” that this person or people could love us.
We may find ourselves ruminating on thoughts like “nothing I ever do is good enough”.
And in the end we can find ourselves trying to “figure out” what we can do to “help” others, how we can fix whatever drama is going on for them…
Because it feels “normal” and eases that sense of anxiety and worry that we can’t put our finger on.
So we distract ourselves with doing whatever we have to do to get things back to “normal”.
Maybe we spend too much money.
Maybe we pick a fight with a friend.
Maybe we seek out distraction via social media.
Maybe we try to “fix” things in relationships that have become broken.
Maybe we just let our life go to hell…
We don’t get up, we don’t take care of ourselves, we don’t have a purpose to our life or our day that doesn’t involve being involved with and focused on what others are doing.
Or maybe we distract ourselves with being busy, doing and going all the time when we don’t have someone or something else to distract us.
So how do we get out of that pattern of perpetuating chaos, crisis and drama in our lives?
By learning to sit with, move through and let go of those feelings of “this feels uncomfortable” – until it feels better.
By learning to recognize that getting involved in others drama, trauma and dysfunction is part of our pattern of recreating the original drama, trauma and dysfunction and that to stop this pattern – we choose to stop partaking in the pattern.
By learning to see when we are “distracting” ourselves because nothing ever seems to “get done”.
By recognizing that we can resolve those feelings of “not good enough” by reminding ourselves that we are “more than enough”.
By choosing to learn to “just be” – and trust that we are ok….even when others aren’t.
By telling ourselves that these feelings will pass as we get accustomed to creating calm and peace in our world.
By letting ourselves go through whatever angry feelings come up – without getting hung up on them or picking a fight with someone to let off the pressure.
By being willing to grieve – to cry and let the feelings out instead of stuffing them in or distracting ourselves from feeling them.
By being willing to feel good – instead of always needing to feel bad.
This is the journey….
To learn to let go of the things that worked in the drama, trauma and dysfunction and learning to do differently so we can get different results.
To learn to live in peace vs needing to be creating the chaos and crisis that we know how to handle…
It feels different.
It feels odd.
To just – sit.
And to do this over and over – until we make it our new dance; until we make this our new “normal”.
Peace to each of you.
What have you recognized as your way of creating chaos and crisis?
What do you think it would be like to not have chaos and crisis as your “normal”?
Thank you always for reading, liking, linking and sharing 🙂